Το iPhone 4 είναι πατάτα
July 9, 2010 | In: Internet, Καταγγελίες, Τεχνολογία
Κάθε μέρα ψάχνουμε στα feeds του κοινού ανθρώπου του μόχθου και τις εργατιάς, και όχι εκείνα του Ekali Club και των εχόντων και κατεχόντων, για να καταλάβουμε επιτέλους, ΓΙΑΤΙ είναι τέτοια πατάτα το iPhone 4; ΓΙΑΤΙ απέτυχε τόσο τραγικά, σε αντίθεση με τις εκτιμήσεις και προσδοκίες αναλυτών, ηγεμόνων τις πληροφορικής, και γενικά ξερόλων; Παρακάτω σας παρουσιάζουμε τις πιο αποκαλυπτικές ατάκες, τις οποίες κρατάμε ενήμερες και προσθέτουμε καθημερινά:
- Lick the inside of your palm & cup an iPhone4 real tight on a bottom edge to get some signal loss.
- EXCLUSIVE: iPhone 4 is NOT waterproof! Steve never mentioned this major weakness that, essentially, makes the iPhone 4 useless for diving.
- iPhone 4 can harm a small child or animal if ingested whole, making it unsuitable for parents, farmers & all sorts of critter enthusiasts.
- Latest iPhone 4 reveal: Antenna has a feature that improves call quality by turning users effeminate so they enunciate clearer. OMG srsly.
- Depression sufferer commits suicide moments after receiving a brand new iPhone 4. Note claims ‘It’s no good, I can STILL see the pixels’.
- Fatal iPhone 4 design flaw causes device to break when smashed on concrete a couple of times
- iPhone 4 reception described as ‘weak’ in underground nuclear bunkers, making it unsuitable for use by military personnel.
- Al Qaeda reportedly purchasing vast quantities of iPhone 4s, claims ‘its ease of use and advanced features make our jobs so much easier’
- iPhone 4 can cause serious injury or death if thrown at great velocity, or dropped from a considerable height, onto a person’s head.
- Latest shocker tells of how iPhone 4 produces terrible odors & toxic fumes when lit on fire. Apple’s arrogant response is: “Don’t burn it”.
- Studies are showing that prolonged intense iPhone 4 hysteria is causing bloggers to stroke in numbers above the national average for June.
- Pet peeve: iPhone 4 does not cure ANY diseases. None. Instead Apple keeps pursuing its own agenda in order to get richer and richer. FAIL.
- Most bafflingly, iPhone 4 does NOT filter swear words & phrases in voice conversations, which makes it unsuitable for good people to use.
- iPhone 4 does not run Java, making it unsuitable for J2EE development work.
- iPhone 4 shortcomings explored further: http://www.iphonehellas.gr/18778/iphone-4-hot-potato/
- Today it was revealed that iPhone 4 will NOT run Crysis 2, Fallout Vegas, or Gran Tourismo 5. All 1.5 million first day buyers are furious.
- Extra: iPhone 4 will not run MS Office 2010, just so you know. 3D Studio and AutoCAD support has also been reported as ‘spotty’ at best.
- iPhone 4 TCO keeps going up: in addition to the purchase, contract & mobile bills, you also have the ELECTRICITY usage to take into account!
- iPhone 4: it’s just a small iPad.
- They say that the iPhone 4 ringer is hard to hear if placed inside a thick lead safe. Perhaps. I have no proof…but Apple isn’t denying it.
- 1.7 million iPhones in 3 days? Bunch of RDF fanboi victims who won’t listen to people who know BETTER than them. Why won’t they LISTEN?!!
- iPhone 4′s cheap shielding can’t hold out even against the smallest microwave oven: http://bit.ly/b8hYRV
- The iPhone 4′s glass casing may not survive supersonic micro-meteor impacts, making it unsuitable for use during suborbital EVA missions.
- iPhone 4 tries to destroy film industry and put people out of work: http://vimeo.com/12819723
- The iPhone 4 antenna is made from Aluminum, a metal also used in jackknifes, toxic waste handling, the holocaust, and whorehouse kitchens.
- iPhone4 screen may develop coloration issues when left in open desert for a week, making it unsuitable for use in middle east oil drilling.
- The iPhone 4 screen can crack when even the *lightest* SUV drives over it, making it unsuitable for use in garages and car service shops.
- The iPhone 4 is not sufficiently shielded against EMP from nuclear detonations, making it unsuitable for use in post-apocalyptic societies.
- iPhone 4, no thanks, it is not nearly as good as the upcoming iPhone 5, expected for release in not even 1/10th of a decade, can’t wait!!
- iPhone 4 does not support braille on its touchscreen, making it unsuitable for use by both vision impaired individuals & multiple amputees.
- Apple finally admits that iPhone 4 doesn’t even HAVE an antenna – read carefully between the lines of this post: http://bit.ly/9NqsJT
- iPhone 4 causes the appearance of stigmata, making it unsuitable for use by jugglers or people who work with precision instruments.
- iPhone 4 has been found to cause severe hangovers if used while drinking heavily all night making it unsuitable for use in bachelor parties.
- An iPhone 4 killed a soldier in Iraq recently when it failed to properly shield him from a road-side explosive blast. Enough said, I think.
- Schizophrenic man escapes hospital, hijacks bus & drives over 23 people in Milton Keynes shopping district; Claims iPhone 4 made him do it.
- iPhone 4 user’s pacemaker stops after being hit by lightning while sailing in a storm; experts claim new antenna may act as a lightning rod.
- Monty Python is less funny when watched on an iPhone 4.
- Retro enthusiasts reportedly devastated by lack of 5.25″ floppy drive support on the iPhone 4 & Apple’s refusal to support it via bluetooth.
- iPhone 4 is now trailing Android at Gopher support: http://bit.ly/aeNrAL – I mean F.F.S. even my Wyze terminal had Gopher as early as 1992!
- iPhone 4 reception issue is suspected to worsen on the Lost island. Fanbois blame AT&T who in turn blames interference from the black smoke.
- The white iPhone 4 is actually a prop from DePalma’s Scarface. Ringtone defaults to “Se elo to mai litl frien!” and then it kills everyone.
- Man confuses iPhone 4 earphone buds with ECT electrodes, accidentally achieves enlightenment, claims that his next phone will be an Android.
- iPhone 4 doesn’t have a Blue-ray drive or 3D screen, making it useless as a home cinema system – certainly weak competition for Google TV.
- iPhone 4′s espresso-making apps have been compared unfavorably against competitors’ hardware-based solutions. Apple just doesn’t get it…!
- ConanOBrien: I found a huge design flaw in my new iPhone. People get angry when I talk on it during a funeral.
- iPhone 4 has been found to contain circuitry that works like a homing beacon for malevolent aliens aiming to turn the Earth into an iPlanet.
- Republicans warn that iPhone4 emits GAY RAYS, an issue which they claim has affected a large part of their members in congress & the senate.
- Death-grip issue makes it impractical to talk on iPhone 4 while also using it as a lifesaver during the course of any major sailing disaster.
…και όχι μόνο…stay tuned.